I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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