This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
