Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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