Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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