Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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