I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize