you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
