how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize