I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
