Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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