I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
