are you still at the devil's house?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
