He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize