Yo dont text me then not text me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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