I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
