haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
