a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
one two three fourrrrnication!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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