My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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