There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My day in three words: secret purse cake
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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