She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
