Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
