Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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