What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
