I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
