After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
