Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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