everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
