Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
