I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
