Don't you send me to vm
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
