I think i sorta joined a cult last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
