My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
