i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
