How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize