You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
