I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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