I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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