Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
