so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
