Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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