Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
