a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
