MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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