I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My friends, they love my intelligence
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
