i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
