So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
