Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
