I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
