Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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