fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
