I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
