Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
