Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
