Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
