Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
