She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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