That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
