you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
