I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
