I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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