you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
