help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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