i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
