You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
