I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
