im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
