I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
