Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
